Category Archives: Everyone Thinks They’re an Expert on the USA

Herman Cain, I Don’t Like You

(Watch video on CNN)

On second thought, I wouldn’t appoint a woman to my cabinet because she’d be too emotional. I’d have to make sure she was thoroughly committed to this country as opposed to just letting her emotions get the better of her.

I also wouldn’t appoint a black person because most of them are on crack cocaine and I don’t accept druggies trying to run the government and make drugs legal. *lightbulb moment* Oh wait, I’m black and I’m not on crack and I’m not walking my five kids by five different moms down to the welfare office, maybe all black people aren’t so bad afterall!

Anyway, I also wouldn’t appoint a Christian because they only support God’s Law and not the law of these United States. Theocracy is not acceptable… except when it comes to marriage, then it is perfectly acceptable to make a law based on a definition rooted in religion.

Similarly, I wouldn’t appoint a Canadian because they’re just a bunch of socialists. And no Jews because…. well, you know…..

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*bangs head on table*

Honestly, where DO we dig these people up to run for government? Can’t we have a litmus test for racism please?

Oh, and Mr. Cain, ‘Muslim’ is not a synonym for ‘terrorist’ as you seem to be implying. ‘Terrorism’ is a particular form of strategical tactics. Everyone uses terrorism, including the United States government. ‘Muslim’ is also not a synonym for ‘those brown people over there who hate us that have also seemingly infiltrated our country and are demanding sharia law.’ Since having another form of law would be unconstitutional anyway, and it’s not like 3/4 of states would ratify an amendment to change that, why are you making such a fuss?

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JLS Condoms!

I’ll be the first to admit that like me a good boy band (ahem, Hanson anyone?!) But could you imagine the Jonas Brothers putting themselves on condoms? Cue the evangelical backlash and mothers of pre-teen girls organizing a “Mothers Against Sex” campaign.

Anyway, the British boy band JLS has done just that. Being that I’m too scared to be seen taking photos of condoms in Tesco you’ll have to do with the generic from the Durex website.

Reactions to Osama

 And going a bit farther….

What really grinds my gears (so to speak) about people being idiots about Bin Laden’s death (there are obviously bound to be idiots when stuff like this goes down) is that the most horrible remarks are coming from the so-called Christians, and whoever was in the group outside the White House shouting ‘USA! USA! USA!’

So, let me get this straight, just for clarification purposes of course. You people (Christians) will vehemently defend the right of a baby (fetus, couple of cells hanging out together, etc.) to be born yet will very much rejoice at the death of anyone outside the womb who you disagree with? Now, Bin Laden was hardly a Mother Theresa (the comparison to of which you won’t understand because she was Catholic and of course we all know that Catholics aren’t Christians, but I digress) yet if you are willing to rejoice in a death you are seemingly admitting that some people either should be killed or are at the very least acceptable to be killed. Those people being of course non-Christians non-Jews, because they’re the chosen ones, that have in your opinion done ‘bad’ things and most likely wear some kind of head covering. The chances are that your mythical Jesus wouldn’t agree with this behaviour so I suggest you cut it out for the sake of your own credibility.

This is going to be one of those situations where the whole ‘even Christians make mistakes and partake in behaviour that is un-Godly’ argument is used. This is fine, but it seems pretty obvious that there is something in Christian ideology which causes A LOT of people that follow said ideology to react in the same way. In the spirit of continuous improvement, perhaps this discrepancy should be given some actual discussion rather than just owing it all up to certain individuals partaking in un-godly behaviour.

All I’m saying is, I don’t see any Europeans jumping for joy or freaking the flip out because “Like OMG he’s soooo dead!”….

…and failing to acknowledge the can of worms that comes with killing the head of a major organization without dismantling the rest of it.


A Harry Potter comparison and a subtle hint that there’s going to be a loooong road ahead until he’s finally dead (i.e. situation solved)? Priceless!

*Edit*

(New York Times) 

I guess we Americans get it from our government, seen here, crowding around to watch Bin Laden be murdered. Looks like Friday night at the local AMC 30 to me! Hillary looks particularly scared so it must be the latest Saw. Unless it’s The Notebook or A Walk to Remember and the protagonists have just died.

Everyone Thinks They’re an Expert on the USA, part 1

The first installment where I sound off on the silly things, and sometimes downright wrong things, people say about the US and Americans.

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“…but you’re so skinny for an American!” (from a person I had just been introduced to)  *scowls* Uh…thanks? I can’t tell you how many people generally mean this as a compliment. It’s one thing to think it in your head, but to actually say it out loud, to an actual American?! Where are your manners! I could never imagine saying to someone I had met for the very first time that “Wow, for a French woman your armpits are remarkably well groomed!” It’s rude to project your own stereotype onto someone, well, only someone that isn’t an American apparently.

Never mind the fact that obesity is a world-wide epidemic and not just an American one, and that the Brits have now overtaken the Germans as the fattest of the Europeans. Here’s a list of the world’s fattest nations. The number one place might surprise you!