How to Keep Others from Eating Your Food

Student living sucks sometimes. This is one of those times.


Now, anyone whose ever lived with students knows that they are just downright jerks half the time. One of the most annoying things apart from the fact that no one ever wants to buy toilet paper (A whole post on it’s own. Don’t worry about me though, I’ve taken to stashing it in my room!) is that people will just help themselves to your food because they are too darn lazy to go to the store themselves. Both mine and Ryan’s flatmates do this which is a double loss for us. If only his did it then we good keep the good food at my house and vice versa. But nay, that would be too convenient and delicious for us. So, we have discovered inadvertently some fool proof ways to keep people from eating our food.

#1. Buy foreign. People think Americans are wary of all things foreign, but in actuality it’s the Brits. Now, if I buy just any kind of bread from Tesco it WILL get eaten by people other than me. If I buy Lithuanian rye bread with nothing on the packaging in English then people get sufficiently spooked and stay away.

#2. Whole milk vs. Skimmed or Semi-skimmed. It seems that people, the world over, are generally adverse to whole milk and they don’t really know why. I will admit I felt a bit rebellious the first time I bought a pint of whole milk. I’ll just try it because you know?…. I’ve never had whole milk in my life! I mean, it can’t be that bad right? I can’t actually get fat from whole fat milk can I?!?! While it is noble that our American and British mums want to shelter us from fatty foods perhaps those foods shouldn’t be milk, or butter, but rather that pack of Doritos or Lucky Charms. Nobody goes near our milk now that we’ve started buying whole, and I can assure you, we haven’t gotten any fatter. We also now enjoy milk that tastes like milk and not just questionably white water on our cereal. Plus plus if you ask me.

#3. Good food must be eaten immediately! To anyone who hasn’t been a student in a while, you have probably forgotten what constitutes”good” food. Fresh chicken, Ben & Jerry’s, frozen pizza (only the good brands), free range eggs, bacon, sausages, etc. If you spend weeks waiting for that £4.50 pint of Ben & Jerry’s to go on sale, and then you buy it and leave it in the freezer, it will be gone in two days. Bacon is the other big ticket item. No one ever thinks to buy this for themselves, but when someone does, everyone gets jealous. My mum used to make me bacon in the mornings… Aww I miss my mum. Man I really could go for some bacon. I totally even forgot bacon existed! How could that happen? I love bacon!! Yes, that is actually how the though process goes, pathetic isn’t it?

Follow these fool proof tips and you can enjoy your food all to yourself, and save money to boot. Plus plus!

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